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An Observation

There are a few things I miss, in general, when one is young, all of the bad shit that is happening to you, you tend to think is only temporary, but it leaves parts of itself stuck in your life, there are traces of things everywhere I thought that I had escaped, in particular, I thought that you could have really selfish, abusive and shitty parents and still manage to somewhat know what love is and how to love, especially yourself, but with a warped early model, that becomes a challenge. Also, when I was young, and I felt suddenly happy for no particular reason, I thought that that must be the antidote to all of the crazy ‘inside shit’ you tend to feel most days when you are growing up poor, abused, and insanely hopeful, but eventually ‘happy for no reason’ just means your not paying attention, well, I still miss the feeling, that it’s temporary, the bad shit, that it’s not still there, and being happy for no particular reason, before it becomes inattentive. Healing takes much longer than the life we’re given.

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